There are infinite uses for bacon. You can stick it in your sandwich. Wrap a bird in it. Microwave it, fry it on the stove, the campfire, the grill. Make jelly out of it. Use it to make a burnt offering to a primeval demon. Decorate the cat. Choke on it and die and become a pork ghost/frankenbacon. Eat it. Cure yourself of a sexual obsession with your sister. Use it as a temporary adhesive. Use it as a temporary bandage, get a deadly infection, have your arm amputated in an abandoned war hospital by a giggling doctor using rusted equipment. Make bacon-wrapped hors d’ouevres. Lose your soul.
Baconology: Sizzling Strips of Horror, the new (circa July) anthology from the Library of Horror Press, lists even more novel uses for the miracle meat. Tame an attacking velociraptor. Become a bad-ass commander of ninjas (yes, that’s the title of one of the stories). It includes my short story, “Home Cured,” which is essentially a bacon-infused ghost story-cum-slasher-cum-psychological thriller. And it is available now from Amazon.com, for the low price of $10.04. That’s less than the price of 6 12-oz cans of Bacon Spam. And unlike Bacon Spam, you can enjoy it again and again and again…until you die.
Of cardiac arrest.
Order it here. Immediately. Bacon.
Good night.
The Year Is Yesterday 