Herbert West, Resequencer

  “Damn it, it wasn’t quite fresh enough!” “Help! “It wouldn’t do not to answer it anyway, and it may be a patient–it would be like one of those fools to try the back door.” “We’d better both go,” he whispered. A certain number of these failures had remained alive–one was in an asylum while […]

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At the conclusion we were all of us agreed that the proof was to be found within the pudding, and no mistake, for no sooner had young Jack (the bravest and strongest of the group and no joke) seen fit to wedge his thumb into’t than out the questing digit popped, making a sound like […]

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Fortress of Solicitude

I want to be an insular community. Like, I want every man to be an island. Do you know what I’m saying? Sometimes, what I really want is for my heart to be an enclave. That would just be really nice, you know? I haven’t read any Superman, but I think I understand the concept […]

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Celebrity Intervention

You know, I’ve always wanted to know… What would my baby look like with a Celebrity™? What would a Celebrity™ look like with my baby? What would my baby look like with a Celebrity’s Baby™? What if I had a baby with a Celebrity™? What would it look like? What if a Celebrity™ had a […]

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The Year That Santa Twerked It

Miley Cyrus’s VMA performance was the center of discussion at my family’s Thanksgiving this year, and my Aunt requested that I provide a Christmas story (I wrote one last year that was a big hit)…this was the result. ‘Twas the night before Xmas, sure as reindeer have hooves, and Santa was learning some crazy dance […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 7: Conclusion)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 The film loops through several times as TOYS, including PANDORA, file in and watch, each adding her voice to the song with quiet ooh’s. Finally, ENGINEER #1 bursts in from offstage and the music/film stops abruptly. ENGINEER #1 has now acquired a number […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 6)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 The door explodes off its hinges and clatters to the floor moments before the TOY, still deranged from her run-in with the toilet bowl, lands atop it. Before they can react, she grabs CLANK and SCUFFLE by their legs and carries them, inverted and screaming, […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 5)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4 The stage begins to sink again under waves of heroic flourishes from the orchestra. As the surface reaches its halfway-point, CLANK and SCUFFLE become visible, examining the trapdoor from above. The ENGINEERS and SERAGLIO linger below, with only their heads and shoulders in sight. CLANK: Yep. SCUFFLE: […]

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