Fortress of Solicitude

I want to be an insular community. Like, I want every man to be an island. Do you know what I’m saying? Sometimes, what I really want is for my heart to be an enclave. That would just be really nice, you know? I haven’t read any Superman, but I think I understand the concept […]

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Celebrity Intervention

You know, I’ve always wanted to know… What would my baby look like with a Celebrity™? What would a Celebrity™ look like with my baby? What would my baby look like with a Celebrity’s Baby™? What if I had a baby with a Celebrity™? What would it look like? What if a Celebrity™ had a […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 7: Conclusion)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 The film loops through several times as TOYS, including PANDORA, file in and watch, each adding her voice to the song with quiet ooh’s. Finally, ENGINEER #1 bursts in from offstage and the music/film stops abruptly. ENGINEER #1 has now acquired a number […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 6)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 The door explodes off its hinges and clatters to the floor moments before the TOY, still deranged from her run-in with the toilet bowl, lands atop it. Before they can react, she grabs CLANK and SCUFFLE by their legs and carries them, inverted and screaming, […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 5)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4 The stage begins to sink again under waves of heroic flourishes from the orchestra. As the surface reaches its halfway-point, CLANK and SCUFFLE become visible, examining the trapdoor from above. The ENGINEERS and SERAGLIO linger below, with only their heads and shoulders in sight. CLANK: Yep. SCUFFLE: […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 4)

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 ACT II An ear-splitting wail starts up behind the curtain. It pulls back, again with no orchestral assistance, to show the stage exactly as it was before the curtain closed, with one exception. An anonymous ENGINEER crouches center-stage, cranking an air-raid siren. More ENGINEERS shuffle in and drag him […]

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Fatal Purr (Part 3)

Part 1  Part 2 The row of stalls gives a jerk, throwing the ENGINEERS against the walls and slamming the doors shut. Against yet another orchestral flourish, the bathroom set proceeds to retract back into the wings, revealing SERAGLIO still hunched shaking in his office, buried in crimson-blotched tissues. As the desktop statuette’s eyes light […]

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A Very Busy Season

Elves aren’t the only small, humanoid creatures that are all a-bustle this holiday season. Yours truly (more hobbit than elf, to be honest) has also been a busy bee-ver (a strange concept for a hybrid animal, but I don’t really give a dam). Let’s pick out some of this month’s highlights: My retrospective review of […]

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